"Hi"
And then what? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
You just sent me "hi" and now you're sitting there, watching the typing indicator, waiting for me to respond before you grace me with the actual reason you messaged me. Congratulations, you've invented the world's most pointless communication protocol. A two-step handshake that accomplishes absolutely nothing except wasting both our time and making me want to throw my phone into the ocean.
Here's what happens when you send "hi" or "hey" or "are you there?" without any context:
Six fucking minutes. Six minutes of my life stolen by your inability to type one complete sentence. I switched out of my work. I wondered what emergency you had. I worried if something was wrong. And all you wanted was a file you could have requested in your first message.
You know what asynchronous communication means? It means we don't have to be online at the same time. It means I can read your message when I'm free and respond with the information you need. But YOU turned it into synchronous communication. You forced me to be present, to wait, to engage in a real-time dance just so you could ask a simple question. That's not communication. That's hostage-taking with extra steps.
"But I'm just being friendly!" No, you're not. You're being a coward. You're hiding behind fake social norms because you're too scared to state what you want directly. You think leading with "hi" is polite? It's the opposite. It's demanding someone's attention without telling them why they should give it to you.
Real politeness is respecting people's time. Real politeness is giving them the information they need to make a decision. Real politeness is: "Hi! When you have a moment, could you send me the Q3 report? No rush." Done. Complete. I can read that, not respond for two hours while I'm in meetings, and then send you the file. Nobody's time is wasted. Nobody's waiting. Nobody's anxious.
Your "hi" with no follow-up? That's not friendly. That's a demand dressed up in a smiley face. It says: "Stop what you're doing and pay attention to me right now, and I won't even tell you why." That's not politeness. That's entitlement with a thin veneer of manners.
Picture the person on the receiving end. They're in the middle of something. Code. Writing. Thinking. Then: *ping*. They see "Hi" from you. Now what? They have no idea if this is urgent or trivial. They don't know if you're about to ask for five minutes or five hours. They can't prioritize. They can't plan. They just have to... wait. For you. To finish typing. What you could have said in one message.
And the worst part? You KNOW they've seen it. You can see the read receipt. So now there's pressure. They feel rude if they don't respond. You feel ignored if they don't respond fast enough. Everyone's stressed. Everyone's waiting. And for WHAT? So you could type "hi" first? What is this, kindergarten roll call?
Every "hi" without context is a tiny act of disrespect. It says: "My inability to compose a complete thought is more important than your focus, your time, and your mental state." You're not being considerate. You're being lazy and dressing it up as etiquette.
And you know what's funny? You hate it when people do this to you. When your boss sends "Got a minute?" and nothing else, your stomach drops. When your partner texts "We need to talk" with no context, you spiral for hours. When your parent calls and says "Call me back" without saying why, you assume someone died.
Context-free messages trigger anxiety. They force the recipient to fill in the blanks with worst-case scenarios. They create stress out of nothing. And YOU keep doing this to other people. Every day. Multiple times a day. Because typing an extra sentence is apparently too much work for your precious fingers.
The "hi" message is a power move that pretends to be humility. It forces the other person to respond first, to commit their attention, before you reveal what you actually want. It's conversational entrapment. You're testing if they're available before you make your ask, so you can avoid the "rejection" of an unanswered message. That's not kindness. That's cowardice with delivery tracking.
This isn't complicated. When you message someone, include:
That's it. Three things. Often you only need one. "Can you review my PR when you're free?" Done. "The server's down, need help ASAP." Done. "Just wanted to say great job on the presentation." Done. Complete thoughts. Actionable messages. Respect for someone else's time and attention.
But no. You'll send "hey" and wait. You'll send "quick question" and not ask it. You'll send "are you busy?" instead of just asking and letting them respond when they're not. Because deep down, you don't actually care about being polite. You care about being comfortable. And your comfort is not worth everyone else's interrupted workflow.
Your "hi" is not friendly.
Your "are you there?" is not polite.
Your incomplete messages are not considerate.
They're lazy. They're selfish. They're disrespectful.
And everyone you message is tired of it.
Just fucking say what you want.